Meet me under the viaduct at 11pm. Bring cash, all used notes

Yeah, all in caps. You can either read it with an angry voice or one of breathless excitement. I’ll leave it up to you.

DEAR SIR,/MADAM

MY NAME IS J.T.ROLLINS, I AM AN AUDITOR FINANCIAL CONSULTANT TO HSBC BANK,INDIVIDUALS ORGANIZATIONS, GOVERNMENT PARASTATALS COMPANIES, FIRMS ETC. I HAVE A HUGE SUM IN DOLLARS TO INVEST WITH YOU, THE SAID FUND IS ALREADY DEPOSITED WITH HSBC BANK FINANCE SECURITY COMPANY OVERSEA.

DUE TO THE SOURCES AND THE NATURE OF THIS FUND, I WANT TO INVEST IT INTO YOUR COUNTRY BASE ON YOUR SUPERVISION, AND YOUR ADVISE. THE SAID FUND WAS REALIZED FROM POLITICAL INVOICES . PLEASE KINDLY SEND ME YOUR TEL/FAX NUMBER TO HAVE A VOICE DISCUSSION WITH YOU. REPLY ME URGENTLY IMMEDIATELY YOU RECEIVED THIS MESSAGE SO THAT I CAN SEND YOU THE DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE FOR YOU TO CLAIM THE FUND. THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION IN ADVANCE.

APOLOGETICALLY, DETAILS WILL NOT BE DISCLOSED TO YOU FOR NOW ON THE DEPOSITION OF THE FUND UNTIL YOU ASSURE ME BEYOND EVERY REASONABLE DOUBT THAT I CAN TRUST YOU. HONESTY AND TRUST ARE THE SUCCESS KEY FACTORS IN THIS TRANSACTION, SO THEREFORE YOUR ASSURANCE OF CONFIDENTIALITY AND TRUST WILL BE HIGHLY APPRECIATED.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
J.T.ROLLINS ( FINANCIAL CONSULTANT )

When I saw the name J.T. Rollins I couldn’t help but think of a strange, nervous, foreign man in a Nigerian scam sweatshop who in his spare time works on his children’s novel about an orphaned boy who is sent to a magical school for Witch Doctors.

Prize Notification

Quite possibly the most clinical notification that I’m now a rich bastard.

——— Forwarded message ———
From: Euro Million Promotion <info@eupromo.com>
Date: 28 July 2010 13:42
Subject: Prize Notification
To:Prize Notification

With Ref No: EML/56-TF-8890776
You have Won the Euro Million Award
£420,000.00 GBP.Contact:
Name: Dr.Perry Wallace
Email:eudirector@yahoo.com.hk
Tel: +447045750199
Quote Your info to him too.
Full Name
Address
Country
Tel
Congratulations From Euro Million Corporation