A most credible threat

Dave’s brother, the advanced programmer at Microsoft says its true, so it must be…

Dave’s brother is a very advanced programmer who does computer work for a living and has a high up status with Microsoft.. He doesn’t send these if they aren’t real. If he says this is for real, it is for sure. Be aware and be careful…………


Hi All,
I checked with Norton Anti-Virus, and they are gearing up for this virus!
I checked Snopes, and it is for real. Get this E-mail message sent around to your contacts ASAP.


You should be alert during the next few days. Do not open any message with an attachment entitled ‘POSTCARD FROM HALLMARK,’ regardless of who sent it to you. It is a virus which opens A POSTCARD IMAGE, which ‘burns’ the whole hard disc C of your computer.

This virus will be received from someone who has your e-mail address in his/her contact list. This is the reason why you need to send this e-mail to all your contacts. It is better to receive this message 25 times than to receive the virus and open it. If you receive a mail called’ POSTCARD,’ even though sent to you by a friend, do not open it! Shut down your computer immediately.

This is the worst virus announced by CNN. It has been classified by Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever. This virus was discovered by McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair yet for this kind of virus.. This virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of the Hard Disc, where the vital information is kept.

OK, first these sort of scare stories have done the rounds since the general populous have been allowed to play on the internet. They are ten a penny. There are literally hundreds of them. They all follow the same pattern. A genuine voice of concern, some spurious confirmation of authenticity which in this case comes from “Dave’s brother…” DAVE’S BROTHER! Read it again, for fucks sake! Then an order to spam all your friends with the same message, lest you be branded a callous bastard.

Is this a credible, widely acknowledged source? Let’s find out.

  • Raise your arm if you know someone called Dave…. OK well I’ve got my arm up too.
  • Now, keep your arm up if he has a brother, hmmm a few went down there, mine included.
  • The rest of you, keep your arm in the air if this brother works for Microsoft… hmmmm dropping off like flies.
  • Still a couple left reaching for the sky though. Now keep ’em up if this brother isn’t some suit or marketing drone for Microsoft but is actually an advanced code-monkey, whizz-kid, socially awkward motherf*cker who writes his shopping lists in reverse polish notation?

Oh, no takers? So what makes this a credible source?

“I checked with Norton Anti-Virus, and they are gearing up for this virus!”

Oh really? Did they? Did they really? Can anyone give me the number for Symantec where I call and say “OMG! There’s a big virus coming! For the love of God, will somebody think of the children?” and a calm, reasoned voice on the other end of the line responds “Fear not, for we are gearing up for this”?

I hope you are starting to see that this is hysterical nonsense by now, where the actual “virus” is the email and its propagation is effected by people blindly forwarding it without questioning its authenticity. Surely a technological calamity of this magnitude might have earned a mention on a mainstream media source? If an asteroid was hurtling towards us and there was a very good chance of destruction I’d reasonably expect to hear or read that in the news.

In the event of an impending global disaster I might be quite surprised if the first clue I got that the future might not be bright was via a semi-literate email sent to every man and his dog claiming that Steve’s mate George who is high up at Jodrell Bank reckons were going to be knocked out of orbit in the next couple of days and it must be true because he called NASA and they said they were gearing up for it.


The reference to Snopes is very cheeky. Snopes.com is an excellent online reference where you can check all sorts of internet myths and legends and if you are not familiar with it I urge you to check it out. While you are there you may just happen across this page debunking a common as muck internet hoax. Sound familiar?

In conclusion, don’t blindly forward these bullshit emails. Use your better judgement and start checking the facts for yourself instead of blindly accepting what you are told as the absolute truth. It’s a skill that will serve you well in every aspect of your life.

Right, I’m off. It’s my tea break.

Vampire slaying kit

Vampire Slaying KitThis is a Vampire slaying kit which is going up for auction next Tuesday at Christie’s South Kensington. Estimate is £1,200 – £1,800 so if you were planning on getting a new MacBook, forget it and bid on this instead.

I just love this. A travel essential for any Victorian gentleman planning a business trip to the darker corners of Europe.

Nowadays we scurry about buying shorts, mosquito repellent and traveller’s cheques but imagine living in an age where this was top of your “to-buy” list while you were still doing your last minute pre-holiday shopping.

Guaranteed to make you irresistible to prospective partners, unless they happen to be into Twilight.

Follow up:
The item actually sold for the princely sum of £6000 as can be seen here.